Mouthy Monday: A Letter to my teen (16) self.
I've seen this post done by so many of my favourite bloggers and I decided to do one to myself. If you've never read one before, it is bascially a letter to yourself when you were younger....giving yourself the advice you wish someone had given you at the time.
so let's get started.
first, the cringeworthy photos!
Well your 24 now and some days feel so much older and other days still feel like you don't have a single clue! And you know what, that's ok.
You're a teenager, juggling school life with your home life...and man it's work! School expects so much from you and so does everyone at home! Your the oldest sister after all...got to set a good example! And growing up in care really isn't easy, some days you really hate your mum for not being enough and allowing you to be taken away from her. Your two younger sisters have been adopted for many years now and despite seeing them regularly, you haven't come to terms with it...their not your sisters parents as far as your concerned, you think their nice but they'll never be your mum! But one day it's gonna hit you, going into foster care was the best thing to happen. You get a foster mum and a new family that love and support you, you get to do things you never would have if you stayed with your mum and your sisters are happy (Until they turn into teenagers too...let's not go there right now, it makes you look like a saint!). And believe it or not, you start to love the people who adopted your sisters...to the point you start calling them your stepparents...yup said you wouldn't believe me!
And your relationship with your mum starts to mend soon, you become like best friends and you both drive each other insane, but she's your mum. She had you too young and got herself into a lot of sticky situations, but don't beat her up for it. She's going through a lot too, she has to watch other people raise her children and soon she's gonna lose her mum...and granddad is about to go through something that is gonna be a big weight for her and your uncle to carry...be there for her instead of snapping at her. She might stress you out, but she means well. And so does Sylvia, you will clash with her sometimes but she has your best intentions at heart and you wouldn't be the person you are in the future without her help.
GSCEs are fast approaching, and damn girl make sure you revise! You can get decent grades but you've gotta get up off your lazy chair and work for them! But grades are not the final word in life, you will go through a lot of different courses before you really find one you are passionate about and your career goal is going to change about ten times (Remember when you wanted to be an actress? well one day your gonna want to be a film director and then it'll change again...to a goal from when you were a kid...do you remember that?)
And your about to start feeling depressed for the first time, I don't know what triggers it for the first time...I wish I did so I could tell you and help you get through it and stop the depression before it gets out of control. Your still fighting it in the future, you will blip really low and hit wrong bottom but you get up and your fighting it so well atm...remember that when it gets tough. And your about to start self harming, I wish I could jump in a Tardis and come wrap you in hugs and stop you from feeling like that is the only relief you can get. But remember you are a smart, kind girl...one day things will get better. Just because your struggling now, doesn't mean you always will. And don't beat yourself up about the marks on your arms, atm it's a taboo and you feel ashamed getting changed in P.E, but don't you dare let the dirty looks bring you down! In the future, things are starting to change and so many people are helping to break through the taboo...It hurts to say you will end up with lasting scars one day, I still struggle some days to look at my scars without hating myself, but just remember your scars don't define you...if anything they mean you are a survivor....you are still here, and you are still fighting!
And don't you change yourself to fit other people's picture of perfect...right now you are a bit of fashion disaster....and tbh you never really become a fashion lover...and that's ok. You work out (eventually...you have oh so many disasters to come...remember those Gareth Gates trousers when you were 14!! Well pink cargo pants are on their way...and that bronze horror you wore to sixth form!) what suits you and what you like...it takes till you almost 24 though to start accepting your shape and look in the mirror and like what you see though! And don't let certain people try to change your music taste...damn girl you have bloody taste and it gets better when you hit 22 (You have a blip where your not yourself for 4 years...but we'll cover that in a moment).
You need to stop letting boys get into your head too...your 16...you might think you know love but you don't right now (but your going too...but it's not a smooth journey and it doesn't end well). But go make your mistakes, you need them to learn and each one helps you in a way...but don't let them affect you and make you feel you deserve less than you are worth...you have a heart of gold and you almost wasted it on some complete idiots!
You will fall in love one day though, when your 18. And I want to tell you it's amazing, and parts of it was. But 19 is gonna hurt like a bitch, you are going to make a decision that changes everything and it's gonna haunt you for a long well. And this is where your not yourself, you let someone else shape you through the most important years of your life and you end up making a decision that hurts someone and ends up hurting you...but it sets you free and you finally get a chance to shape yourself the way you want too, hello Heavy Metal!! But it was a journey you had to make it, it showed you how great things can be and how bad things can be...it takes a good year of recovery and more mistakes...but you learn from it and finally feel like the 'you' you always knew you could be.
My main advice, is be true to you...follow your dreams no matter how ridiculously people say they are, and learn to love yourself...being different and weird isn't a bad thing...and enjoy your teen years, it goes by faster than it feels and you end up missing school (occasionally :p)
What advice do you have for your teen self?
Till the next time,